August

I really like the wild overgrown way our perimeter looks by the time August rolls around. You would never know that in just two short months, all the brush will be down and you will be able to see clear through all this growth. We always aim for all the plants/flowers to be in full swing for the 4th of July extravaganza, but truly things aren't in their glory until almost a month later. All of the flowering tobacco is blooming, the nasturtiums took off about the third week of July, finally a couple of tomatoes are beginning to turn.

How I hate to think of the end of summer. So much on my mind, including how to get school done with 11 of the 12 "still at home kids" being homeschooled this year. I would love for a Lutheran school to start up anywhere near us. With Jaime's issues and Mary reverting to infancy, it is boggling my mind to think how I am going to get any kind of consistent school happening here.

I am home from church with both Mary and Jaime today. Mary does not do well with anyone but Mom or Dad, the rest losing their temper too often with her and not able to tolerate even the slightest misstep.

Jaime is melting down just about 24/7 now, and adding some unhappy physical contact to her raging (slapping, hitting, trying to break people's belongings, not to mention their fingers). Last night she ran away from Dad, jumped in the pool with her clothes on, forcing Dad into the pool with his clothes on to try and drag her out. She threatens everyone continually and chats loudly to herself (?) about how she wishes we were all dead. It is exhausting. It breaks my heart to see her like this and so often I just want to cry a bunch for my sweet little Jaime. I am documenting everything for the psychiatrist whom we will see this Thursday. I will happily get her off this med and back on to the one that allowed just screaming and running away. It wasn't very fun, but much preferable to this stuff.

On a positive note, it is Sunday and my favorite day of the week. I do so miss not going to church though, as it really recharges me and gets my focus back on track. I miss confession and absolution... truly... and today I missed communion, too. There is nothing like coming clean to God and knowing He loves me still, forgives me and will empower me to face whatever. Not that I do not do that outside of church on Sunday, I do. But there is something so wonderful about being with a bunch of people who also recognize their need for the Savior and who, like me, are thankful for the forgiveness we have in Him.

But at any rate, I enjoy Sunday afternoon/evenings because the only thing on my agenda is NOTHING! I do not worry about getting laundry done on Sunday, I do not worry about cleaning anything on Sunday, we only have one big meal around 1:30 on Sundays, then a "fend for yourself" snack before getting everyone into jammies. And even though we have 90 mph winds again today I am going to vacuum the pool and sit on the deck in the sun and read.