No Heart For Blogging

Or anything else for that matter... The last week has been overflowing with unhappy incidents and second thoughts and guilt and more. Issues that these kids were in no way supposed to have, have surfaced--to put it mildly. On top of that, it is apparent to ALL concerned (social workers, therapists and this family) that our new four year old has a very serious Reactive Attachment Disorder. Adding to this problem this little girl is TOOOOO cute and charms anyone and everyone she meets. I see in the future that I am going to look like one mean mommy to all my family and friends as we struggle to keep her from stroking the face and hair of all who will pick her up (and there are few who don't get suckered), while she talks sweet baby talk to them: "I like you.. You hab nice hair... You hold me? I sit wis you?" You guys with RAD kids know what I am talking about... I have a new appreciation for your struggles and also have to take back many things I thought about people whose kids have this problem. All this time I really thought these people just didn't have enough patience for their poor, abandoned little child who probably just needs more love and hugs.... Oh my gosh... I deserve what I am getting I guess ...sigh...
At 47 years old and after 29 years of parenting, you would think I would know better than to judge other people's child rearing efforts until I have walked a mile in their shoes. Well... I'm walking in them now.
I am no longer reeling from the incidents that had me almost immobilized last week. But I am sad, tired and sad and did I mention tired? Our worker is begging us not to throw in the towel on these kids... she says if they can't make it at our home, they won't make it anywhere. John and I both feel we couldn't possibly say to these kids that they can't live here anymore. But my gosh, the future looks exhausting.
Down but not out, not giving up yet, sticking to our commitment at this time... just don't expect a coherent thought to make its way from my brain to my mouth.