A bad thing happened to me, very close to 13 years ago now. I was in a car accident with one of my dearest friends. We were on our way home from a pastor's wives retreat, when we were hit head on by a drunk driver. Beth was pregnant with her wonderful daughter Erika at the time, and her equally wonderful toddler Emily was in her car seat in the back. Praise God, all three of them survived and in pretty good shape considering. I had a broken sternum, but really considering the wreck we were in, that was pretty small stuff. At the hospital I was x-rayed a BUNCH. I let them know before hand that I did not use birth control, so they gave me a home-type pregnancy test which was negative. Unfortunately, it was a day or two early to tell, and I was pregnant. When I found out, I was thrilled, because Beth and her kids, and I and my baby had come out of this incredible accident! But then, most likely because of the x-rays, our baby died, and I miscarried a couple of weeks later. Oh gosh, it was probably the worst thing I had ever endured (little did I know what lay ahead in my life).
The pain of it has dulled considerably with time and other life happenings. But today it all came back to me. I read a blog of a "cyber-friend" whose daughter has just lost her unborn baby due to an infection... and everyone had been praying without ceasing for this girl and her baby. It broke my heart as I read about it.
Tonight, while watching a movie with the kids, I thought about Thomas... my boy that I might not have if things had gone differently. It is one of those rare things where you can look back and see that, Yes, God was working all things for good. Later in the same year of the accident, I found I was pregnant again, with our Tommy.
I can very much rejoice (with hindsight) that I have a child (three of them actually) that never had to endure life on this earth, but went right into the arms of Jesus... thereby avoiding who knows what kinds of heartaches and troubles. Some might say my babies did not know the joys of life, either... But in my heart I know that the joys they are experiencing in heaven outweigh anything we can imagine here in this life.
And not only that, but God gave us Tom to heal our hearts. And just at the exact right time, I might add. My mom died very suddenly, without warning, just three days after Thomas was born. God knew I would need this little guy... I held him and rocked him and held him darned near 24/7 for the whole first year of his life! How God works. How truly thankful I am that my people are not lost to me. I know right where they are... I know they are happy, whole and well taken care of. I am so much looking forward to that day when I will meet them again. Every day lived is one day closer to that reunion.
3 comments:
Wow, this really spoke to me. Thanks for your thoughts, I emailed them to Sarah also as I found it very comforting.
I too have four children that went straight to Jesus. If not for that blessing, our four other blessings may not have come home. We have special angels watching over us.
Thank you for sharing your story. Hearing from other women who have been there, and who have come out of the grief with newfound wisdom has been a great comfort to me.
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