A Great Baseball Game

I took several of my kids, three of their very good friends, my brother Tom, my aunt Mary Ellen and cousin Charlie and my daughter-in-law Erin to the Twins game yesterday. It was really a good time. Such fun to take big kids that need so little supervision, they just want to have a good time with each other and, unbelievably, with their mom. The Twins beat the Sox; Torii Hunter got out of his slump and hit a home run; the kids got to run the bases after the game; they gave out Twins lunchboxes to all the kids under 14, and the kids got their hats, gloves and balls signed by various, albeit mostly unknown at this point, players.

What a great day, being able to spend time with rellies and friends and my big kids were so happy to spend time with Erin. It seems probable that she is soon to be their ex-sister-in-law and I also will no longer have a daughter-in-law. We are all in agony over this and are having trouble knowing where our roles are now. I feel weird putting this in print, but I know it is not news to most of you. We are cut down deep and the things that have been happening are not just Lucas' and Erin's problem, but effect our whole family. It is not right of me nor realistic to expect any of us to keep quiet and pretend we are not overwhelmed in our huge sadness and impending loss.

In addition my oldest kids, not at home, have let me know in words and actions, that the parenting they received at my hands left a lot to be desired. I, in turn, have alternated between immobilizing grief and hurt, to face-burning anger at their opinion of me. My at home kids are suffering over that, too. They just don't understand what the heck has happened here.

We for all the world seemed like a nice family that loved one another and enjoyed each other's company. It has been a real sucker punch to learn what my oldest kids really think of me. Realizing that I do not think highly of some of their choices of late, they find me too judgemental of their lifestyles and want to ream me/never speak to me again... depending on which one we are talking about.

As I said, none of this is news to most of you. I guess I am just blogging it because it has taken up darn near all of my thought processes for several months and I am looking for ways to let it go and trust God to work all for good. *sigh* Did I mention the Twins won?